Family Mealtime and an Invitation to Family Day

 Susan Rosser Jones, Campbell Co. Social Services

Campbell County Social Services is partnering with the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University to celebrate Family Day – A Day to Eat Dinner with your Children on September 27, 2010.  Research shows that the more often children eat dinner with their families the less likely they are to use drugs, smoke or drink. Substance abuse is perhaps the single most significant social problem that we deal with at social services, and social problems can only be solved in the basic unit of society, the family. But family mealtime is equally important to those who are not at high risk. 

As I thought about how the agency might promote Family Day, I began to consider my own family mealtime traditions. What are your memories of family mealtime? I am a child of the 60’s and 70’s, and my family ate together around the “supper table” every night. Family mealtime not only fed me the good foods I was “supposed to eat to grow up healthy and strong,” it also fed my self-worth. Conversations during mealtime made me feel like I was important, like what I said was of interest to my parents.  Although I also remember disappointment on the nights I had to eat fried oysters or cubed steak, I remember feeling like my parents really cared about my day.  Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s home is another fond mealtime memory--a huge dining room table with leaves to accommodate the extended family as it grew or shrunk.  Like most families I knew, you either had fried chicken (the preacher usually came on these Sundays) or pot roast.  I remember a friend telling me that after being married ten years and cooking pot roast every Sunday like her mother did, her husband finally confessed, “Rhonda, I just don’t like an old pot roast!”  The menu aside, these meals were a time for the family to gather in fun and fellowship, to share joys and sorrows; we probably didn’t realize it then but we were celebrating our family.  The children would tell what they learned in school that week, or demonstrate whether they paid attention in Sunday school when asked what their lesson was about.  We argued sometimes, there were disagreements sometimes when the grown-ups discussed politics (and the kids mocked them behind their backs), but we all felt like we belonged. 

In 2010 families are super busy with competing priorities. Family members are scattered in different directions, with sporting events and all manner of extracurricular activities. We often perceive we don’t have time for a sit-down family meal. There are many families who never eat a meal in the same place at the same time.  Our elderly folks are also the victim of the demise of family meals.  We may take grandpa a nice plate of food, even stock his refrigerator, but rarely do we have the time to sit down and eat the meal with him.  Spending that time together can ward of loneliness and depression, and it can help to ensure healthier, happier aging just as it can have a positive effect on child development. 

If your family sets a priority on family mealtime, we applaud you and thank you for the example you are setting.  Your children will look back on those meals as some of the best times of their lives.  If family mealtime has become a thing of the past for you, we challenge you to give it a place of importance in your household. Be creative; with a little thought you can develop your own family culture to make mealtime special. One of my coworkers talks of Family Game Night at her house. Family members take turns being in charge of the meal preparation and selecting a board game to play as a family. Family members choose the type of food they want and plan menus, which can be simple items prepared together or even take-out foods. All phones are placed in a salad bowl out of reach, and televisions and other electronic devices are silenced. People are free to talk to one another and to enjoy each other’s company.  One of our agency administrators talks of her mother’s meal tradition of posting the menu on the refrigerator so the family will have this to look forward to.  Her mom takes the time to plan and keep her family energized about family meals, and I can tell that their Sundays around the table are special, meaningful times for her extended family to this day.  The key is to keep the focus on being together as a family. 

During family mealtime, even if it is only a couple of days a week, parents will want to listen with an open mind and save criticism for later.  Children will have a regular time that they know they will have mom and dad’s attention, to be heard and to feel supported.  They are also likely to develop greater sense of responsibility and goals for themselves, and parents can encourage their children as they experience the ups and downs of life within the confines of a caring family.

Staff at Social Services invites you to be a part of Family Day 2010 with your own family by making a pledge to eat together on September 27 and at least once a week until the end of 2010. “America’s drug problem is not going to be solved in courtrooms or legislative hearing rooms by judges and politicians. It will be solved in living rooms and dining rooms and across kitchen tables- by parents and families,” says Joseph A. Califano, Jr., CASA’s Founder and Chair and the former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare. “Family dinners and the communication that occurs over the course of a meal are critical in building a relationship with your children and to understanding the world in which they live. Parents, frequent family dinners make a difference!”

Links for more information:
• Family Day Website
• Talk With Your Child
• Get Involved
• Set Rules
• Be a Good Role Model
• Teach Kids to Choose Friends Wisely
• Monitor Your Child’s Activities
• Communicating with Your Child
• Help Your Child Succeed in School
• Parenting Wisely and Well
• Self-Care for Busy Parents
• Parenting Together While Living Apart
• Loving your Tween
• Safety First
• Keeping Older Children Safe
• Decision-Making 101
• Resolving Conflicts
• Help Your Child Survive (or Stop) Bullying